August 2010
2 posts
Co-Worker 1: After we finish moving the furniture out of this office, we're all going to need like... a week off.
Me: Ha, or we're all going to need a masseuse.
Co-Worker 2: Or how about those mister things? We can just get sprayed down after getting all sweaty.
Co-Worker 1: I'd rather get a massage than a spray.
Me: Ha. Hahaha.
“It’s just easier to do it on the floor.”
– A co-worker, filling goodie bags for a meeting tonight.
May 2010
3 posts
“After all these years, I’ve never seen you pull out.”
– Reasons why working at the fire district once again is great… (This is something a female firefighter said to a fire chief.)
“My knees hurt, I’d been down too long.”
April 2010
1 post
March 2010
1 post
“I need a hard ride. My husband says, ‘You want a soft ride!’ I...”
– My supervisor talking about buying a new car. She wants an SUV with a firm ride, while her husband clearly likes things a bit smoother.
February 2010
1 post
“Brian: Alright, it’s been rubbed. Let’s stick it in.
Me: That’s what she...”
– Referring to our steaks (via forlackofabetteridea)
January 2010
6 posts
"Please don't go--I'll eat you up, I love you so."
brimichelle:
Where the Wild Things Are
(via taperjeangurl)
“That’s how I do things… get in and get out as fast as possible.”
– A male friend talking about shopping.
“Doesn’t your mouth get sore after awhile?”
– Eric, contemplating the logistics of eating an entire case of Skittles
December 2009
3 posts
I’ve Got A Boner For Christmas - Nerf...
“When I put this in my mouth, this will be the only thing I’ve eaten today.”
– …that’s what she said. (via sodreamoutloud)
November 2009
2 posts
You, sir, are a mouthful.
(via shynessisnice)
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BOX???”
– My sister yelling at the cat, who is a chewer of all things cardboard.
October 2009
5 posts
“Friday night’s game was a very close contest. We had plenty of...”
– Matt Jennings, Illini Hockey senior forward.
That’s what HE said.
September 2009
4 posts
“blue balls are popular, huh?”
– me after noticing that there were fewer blue colored golf balls than any of the other colors to choose from at the mini golf place (via potterspoet)
“Ohhhh no, you were all over me today! You were tearing me UP.”
– My classmate to my (very cranky) teacher, after a particularly rough class this morning.
That's what she said...
Laur: haha yeah it wasn't hard
David: that's what she said...
David: doh, wait..take that back
August 2009
2 posts
I love firefighters.
Fire Inspector 1: Hamilton is on the ten, Lincoln on the five, Washington on the one, Franklin on the hundred...
Firefighter: How do you know that all off the top of your head?
Fire Inspector 1: I used to rob banks before I worked here.
Fire Inspector 2: Yeah, you're rich! If you handle it enough, it'll come to you.
Firefighter: And if you handle it even more, it may come in your hand...
Me: *snicker*
“I don’t know… mine gets hard, but never THAT hard.”
– My grandpa’s freezer isn’t cold enough for his ice cream to get THAT hard. Go figure.
July 2009
4 posts
“This thing takes it fast! Very fast.”
– A woman in the office at which I work, talking about our new fax machine.
“[redacted], there’s guy’s coming everywhere.”
– Me to my brother. While playing Call of Duty 5: Nazi Zombies.
“I dunno how many people will eat them though, cuz they’re pretty hot when...”
– Caution: Flaming Hot Cheetos are what they say they are.
June 2009
4 posts
“It just works better when you grease it first.”
– Those pancakes won’t come off the skillet unless it’s greasy…
“I swallowed my first ball last night.”
– My sister should really tighten her tongue ring fasteners more securely.
“You’ll need to use the hand tools for forcible entry.”
– Working for the fire department is the BEST sometimes.
May 2009
4 posts
“Um, I think we need to find a thick one?”
– A text from a friend. I replied, “The thicker the better.”
“Nobody likes it when the thing sticks out.”
– Well, that’s probably debatable…
“Being the catcher would be nuts. Constant squatting.”
– Michael Cleveland, watching the game with me. (via maggieerlandson)
“You can squeeze a little bit harder…I won’t break.”
– Henry Taylor to his daughter, Olivia Taylor, on 24. He had just gotten out of the hospital and wanted a big ol’ bear hug from her.
April 2009
19 posts
Taco Bell
pie0: I hate KFC, it's nasty. Taco Bell is where it's at.
Friend: Ooh, Taco Bell.
pie0: I order Cheese & Bean Burrito and Chicken Quesadilla
Friend: Hard or soft?
Friend: HARD OR SOFT?!
Friend: OH! Hard or soft taco, hard or soft taco!
At least I realized what I said as soon as I...
Him: Where'd you get it?
Me: I dunno, it just came from behind. Ohhhh fuck.
Him: *laughter*
“I can’t even open my mouth wide enough to get it all in there!”
– That cupcake had too much frosting on it.
“He gives a really good oral. It just flows very smoothly and I really enjoy...”
– There is always some variation of this being said in my office, referring to the oral examinations given to pilots at the completion of training. Usually I am mature enough to keep from giggling. This time? Not so much. (via kaytee) (via beckey)
“It was tickling me, so I had to pull it out.”
– About how a necklace had to be placed on the outside of a shirt as opposed to inside, where it was itching her neck.
“Your thing is too tiny…”
– Talking about the screen of a digital camera. Sometimes size matters.
